


Here's Looking At You

by Vaehvaehrenee4202



Category: Shameless (US), gallavich-fandom
Genre: Heartbreak, Hurt, M/M, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 09:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9432182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vaehvaehrenee4202/pseuds/Vaehvaehrenee4202
Summary: This is my explanation of where Mickey got Ian's picture in season 4.





	

    It was just another shitty day in Mickey’s shitty life since Ian left and he fucking hated it. It was getting to the point where he didn’t even want to get up in the morning anymore. He did, with much difficulty, and he also did what he needed to get by. Thursday had been the same as Wednesday but Friday was different. Mickey got out of bed and went into the living room where his dumbass brothers had left a huge stack of mail from other houses and one letter that was from their own mailbox. Mickey spent over two hours going through hospital bills, late payment notices, and all kinds of other bills, only finding one credit card, which didn’t even have the fucking pin. Mickey walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer before he sank back down into the couch and snatched the lone letter off of the coffee table. It was for Mandy but she wasn’t there so he didn’t give a shit about reading her mail. He read the front of the letter and his heart stopped. The letter said Lip Gallagher and the address was not the Gallagher household, but from an army base. Mickey didn’t hesitate before carefully opening the envelope. He turned the envelope upside down and a photograph fell out along with an ordinary piece of paper. Mickey grabbed the letter and read it.

**_Hey Mands,_ **

**_It’s Ian, sorry, I have to put Lip’s name. You can never be too careful when it comes to the army, am I right? Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I’m still okay. I will try to contact you again soon. I miss you a lot. I keep having these random ass bursts of energy, but it’s okay, it makes getting through the days a little bit easier. I also get these weird urges, like, to break stuff, but you don’t need to hear about that shit. Love you Mandy, keep holding on, I’m too pretty to die this young._** _  
_

    Mickey laughed as he read Ian’s letter. “O _nly Ian fucking Gallagher would make a joke about dying.”_ Mickey thought as he sighed with relief. Ian was okay. That was all Mickey needed to hear to feel like he could relax some. The worst part about that letter was how gay it made Mickey feel for just reading it. Mickey wanted to hear about Ian’s shit, but he actually wanted to _hear_ it, not just read it. The letter made Mickey’s miss Ian’s dopey smile when he said things that were meant to be jokes, and were actually horrible, but the smile made Mickey laugh anyway. He missed watching Ian’s eyes light up when he spoke. Mickey fought the urge to cry again at the rapid flow of memories in his head. Mickey grabbed the photograph off of the table after placing the letter back in the envelope. He felt all the air knocked out of his body when he saw Ian’s face staring up at him from the picture. Ian looked so fucking beautiful, and Mickey didn’t even care how gay it sounded to himself. Ian’s hair was longer, and he looked healthy, happy. A long time ago Mickey had learned how to reseal an envelope without making it look like it had been opened, and that is exactly what he did. Mickey resealed the envelope and hid the picture in his room. Mickey heard Mandy coming in the back door and sat back down on the couch nonchalantly. “Hey assface. Any mail today?” Mandy asked as she put a new case of beer in the fridge after grabbing one, then sitting next to Mickey. He nodded his head towards the letter on the table and she grabbed it. He saw her face light up and he could tell this wasn’t the first time she had gotten a letter. “What’s Lip doing at an army base?” Mickey as he swished the beer in his bottle. “What? Oh, nothing.” Mandy said distractedly as she opened the letter. She read it and sighed like Mickey had done and sat back against the couch. “I thought you were done with Lip?” Mickey asked as he stared down into his beer and she scoffed. “Are you done with Ian? I didn’t fucking think so. Don’t ask stupid questions Mickey.” Mandy said and Mickey huffed and smiled at how much he and his sister were alike. She got up and went to her room. Mickey went into his room and locked the door. He grabbed the picture and sat on his bed against his old beaten down headboard. He stared at the picture for hours, not wanting to miss a single detail as he analyzed the glossy photo in the tattooed hands Ian used to trace when he thought Mickey was asleep after they’d fuck. Mickey would never admit it to anyone, not even Ian himself, that he cried into his pillow that night, holding Ian’s picture as close to his heart as he could get it.

    Mickey woke up when Mandy started banging on his door and he quickly hid the picture under a loose floorboard below his bed before walking over and swinging the door open roughly. “The fuck do you want bitch?” Mickey asked gruffly as he tried to rub the sleep from his eyes. “Where is my phone?” Mandy asked with her hands on her hips. “How the fuck am I supposed to know?” Mickey asked as he pushed past her to get into the kitchen for a beer. “I am waiting on a call from Ia-someone, I need it! Also, where the fuck is dad?” Mickey wasn’t facing her and he was sure as fuck glad for it. She didn’t see his eyes snap up when she almost said Ian’s name and the way his hand gripped his beer bottle tighter. She couldn’t see the incredible amount of hurt that passed through his eyes and across his face, or the way he seemed to stop breathing at the mention of the man he would give anything to hear the voice of. “I have no fucking clue where your fucking phone is! And if you are so fucking worried about dad, go fucking find him!” Mickey yelled at his sister and she flinched at his sudden change in attitude. Mickey wasn’t angry with Mandy and he wished he hadn’t snapped but he felt like his heart was breaking every time he took a breath without Ian breathing the same air. He wished he had been stronger, if not for himself, then for Ian. Strong enough to keep him close, within arms reach, keep him happy. He wished he hadn’t let Ian walk away. He just wanted Ian and he felt like he was dying every second Ian was away. Mickey pushed by Mandy and went back into his room, locking the door behind him. He grabbed the picture out of the floorboard and sat at the edge of his bed the way he had done after Ian walked away. “Don’t go. Just stay. I know it’s fucking late, but I should have said it.” Mickey said quietly to himself. As Mickey turned away from the photo to stop his tears he caught sight of one of Ian’s shirts hidden underneath the dresser and grabbed it. He felt the tears fall even as he tried to push them away. Mickey lied down and held the shirt to his face with the picture sitting in front of him in his outstretched hand. He breathed in Ian’s scent as he stared at the picture and felt like he could breathe a little easier. He knew it would never compare to how he felt when Ian was _home_ but he hoped it would at least get him through these next four years. Mickey _hoped_ , and for now that was going to get him through this, he was going to see Ian again, he was going to _feel_ Ian near him again, but for now Mickey needed to have hope that he and Ian would _survive_ this, like they survived everything else in their fucked up lives.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really bad at writing endings, lol. I hope you enjoyed. :)


End file.
